(I've come to realize: such a difference between being alone and loneliness) Loneliness... Has it hit you yet?

I was talking to some friends the other day about what people we went to high school with are up to nowadays (only a few years later), and we started playing our favorite game of "Who got fat." We started getting into gossip about who is engaged and what type of job these people had landed. I realized later that I would never have imagined myself discussing people's employment and marital statuses while I still get googly-eyed when I see a lollipop at the store. I can't even remember when ...

It's hollow and dark grey. The tears are stuck. As if there is a clogging somewhere between my throat and eyes. There is a sense of urgency which I tend to ignore. My eyes check to make sure no one is watching. Then, I hide them as they slowly beg for some form of what I would be embarassed to call mercy. I am surprised to find the difference in what I once felt was loneliness and what I now feel is abandonment. I suppose it's the contrast by unconsciously having accepted an independen...

Background: So I'm taking this class about creativity and consciousness that basically integrates consciousness with music. Today we had a lady come in to play the harp and it was amazing. I think I have heard the harp before in movies and CD's, but it's a totally different experience in person. It's soft sounds were so soothing and somewhat mystical and they made me feel as though I was in a different place altogether. I felt like I was in the rainforest and was listening to steady d...

Ok, for real. What the hell. I just spent two hours helping someone do data entry just to help the guy out when I for sure did not need to, especially considering I hadn't eaten all day (I helped him until 8 p.m. without any food all day). On the way home I felt kinda good about it, thinking, hey I just did something really nice for someone. Maybe it'll help me out somehow. WRONG!! I walk into the door only to find a rejection from a medical school. Honestly, I really can't take th...

Ok, I am so pissed off right now. My roommate is incredibly dirty, extremely gross. She never ever ever cleans. I am the one who ends up cleaning the entire kitchen and entire bathroom on my own, she never vacuums, never throws out the garbage, never ties up the bag (but chooses to overfill it instead), never even cleans the counter after she eats (guess who does ALL that stuff?)... She doesn't even pay the bill until I say hey, pay the damn bill already! And to top it all off, I went ...

Here are some songs that I often listen to when I'm feeling kinda down, because they somehow seem to soothe me (I admit many on this list are kinda corny, but hey man...when you're down, corny seems happy): James Taylor - Fire and Rain AFI - Silver and Cold Avril Lavigne - Nobody's Home Evanescence - My Immortal Dido - Life For Rent Edwin McCain - I'll Be Mariah Carey - Take a Look at Me Now Lifehouse - Where I Want To Be Switchfoot - Innocent Again Sarah Mclachlan - Fallen R.E.M...

"I'm finding my way back to sanity again. But I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there." ~ Lifehouse (from Where I Want To Be) (Although I've started realizing that sanity is all relative and somewhat illusory)"

I might be depressed. There, I said it. I've been avoiding this label since as far back as I can remember, but I know it's inevitable I'll finally have to admit it. And I want to change. So I need your help. It's not a severe case, but it sure as hell isn't necessary. Actually, the truth is I am absolutely terrified of allowing myself to be depressed. I went through the absolute worst month of my life, and especially the worst day of my life in which I truly didn't understand HOW I wou...

You know how you know those people that you kind of secretly despise because they are just all-around good at everything? It just doesn't make sense how they can know how to do just about everything and always come out at the top and yet still seem like good people? I'm not going to say that that used to be me, but at least my friends used to think so. I remember in High School, I used to have friends tell me all the time that they kind of hated me because I was "perfect." I know they d...

You know how you talk to some people and just can't help but crack up at everything that comes out of their mouth, whereas other people will repeat exactly what the first person said, and you can barely crack a smile? Obviously this has a lot to do with the art of story-telling. This is why some people are born to be comedians and other people...not so much. This is also true of something serious. When some people tell a story, everyone at the table is all-ears, but this is not true for e...

So I'll admit that I'm known for not getting a particularly satisfactory haircut each time I go in, although most of the time it's just that I end up getting it cut too short. Since I'm in a new place, I thought I'd try a new salon as well. I've never found that one stylist that does my hair just right, so I had nothing to lose. I went in and explained exactly what I wanted to the lady. I said, cut off an inch and a half, give me some smooth looking layers (not choppy!), and a face fram...

I just realized that one of the hardest things in life is to learn to let go. I'm sure this is not some type of epiphany but it kind of is to me because I realize it is the stem of almost allll my problems. I have definitely NEVER mastered this phenomenon and have never come close to being able to figure out how to even begin. It seems so much easier to just push things into the back of your mind or ignore them until something changes and you can just kinda move on because your attention ...

So the first few months at this new place were going well. I was pretty cheery, I had a lot of friends, I was starting to feel attractive, school was going well...for the most part things here were pretty settled. I thought to myself that finally, things were going to be good. And then it suddenly started to hit again. I don't know what it is. I am starting to feel sad again randomly. It's almost like a Catch 22. I get sad, not sure if it's for a reason or if I just start to get sad (b...