or Have I Already Lost it
Ok, for real. What the hell. I just spent two hours helping someone do data entry just to help the guy out when I for sure did not need to, especially considering I hadn't eaten all day (I helped him until 8 p.m. without any food all day). On the way home I felt kinda good about it, thinking, hey I just did something really nice for someone. Maybe it'll help me out somehow. WRONG!! I walk into the door only to find a rejection from a medical school.
Honestly, I really can't take this anymore. I am trying soooo damn hard to be strong and try to look at the bright side of things, and I feel like I just keep being pushed to the ground, like someone keeps thinking ok, let's try to push this down even harder. I seriously feel like I've lost alllll of my friends because some decided they just think they're too good for me, others decided they just don't think I'm worth it, others just decided I don't even know what. Past "good" ones just want to talk to me when they have something to share, but otherwise, I'm like nonexistent. My roommate is mad at me for something that was her fault and isn't speaking to me at all. I have the absolute worst luck with guys, and I realized today that I don't even want the guy I have a crush on right now to really get to know me because then he will just think I'm strange or a dork or something. If I can find someone, they're sooo loser-ish, but for the most part, I'm just alone. I can't talk to my parents about anything and they tell me constantly not to worry about family drama but then call me purposefully to tell me about it. I feel like all my dreams about going to medical school are being shattered right before my eyes in a matter of a few seconds. I am working myself like a dog from morning til night, often without any food for a long time, just to try to do what needs to get done, but it seems to be to no avail. And I try to be as nice to people as possible and I am fairly moral. And you know what, I have been trying to smile everywhere I am and I do try to remain hopeful, but with every step I feel like something comes crashing down on me, and there's only so much I can take.
Honestly, I don't know what to do and I'm totally done. I am so done. I don't know what to do. I just feel so trampled on and I can't take anymore. I am so alone and I don't know what to do. What do I do?