Just trying to get the most out of life by figuring it out
I'd like to start off by saying that I love my roommate, I do, and I hate the fact that I complain about her, but it just upsets me that she just acts so weird...and sometimes I wonder if she knows what the word, "friend" means.

My latest discovery is that I absolutely can't go to the bar, or probably even out to lunch or perhaps even public, with just my roommate alone. We went out the other night, and first of all, it was hard enough to ask her to look at me when I was trying to talk to her because all I could see is her eyes wandering around looking for either a cute guy, someone interested in her or someone she knew. Then, while I'm in the middle of trying to say something to her that's very important to me, she dashes out of her seat to go say hi to this kid who's barely a friend (and isn't really attractive). I blatantly told her she was being rude and that I can't have a conversation with her and she knew I was mad, but apparently didn't seem to care because minutes later she left me to go hang out with this guy she used to "see." Then, she'll blame everything on being "drunk."

Even when we're in our apt, I can't have a conversation with her because I feel like every time I say anything about a friend or a guy, she automatically has to say something about her own friend or her own experience with some guy. Now, I know she has a lot of insecurity issues, and she says that she hates that she's such a jealous type. The thing is, I know she has a good heart, but it's really obnoxious that the only time I can have a conversation with her is when she's fishing for me to give her a compliment or when she tries to tell me a lame story about how some guy hit on her (which I do listen to, by the way). Guys tend to think she's hot, so she gets hit on a lot, but she's also pretty innocent, so I'm sick of hearing long-drawn out stories about how some guy said hi to her followed by a long pause in which I'm supposed to bellow and shout like I'm so surprised and then her saying ew, he's so gross.

I've stopped telling her about my own experiences with guys and even most of my friends (unless their mutual) because I know all she does is then get sad because she thinks she can't have a similar experience. She's been showered with so much attention and compliments the last 3 years by other friends because they're surprised that she's so different from what you'd expect, but I'm not like that. I can read people pretty well and I can't stand when people try to act a certain way, as she does. But I do wish that I could at least be (not fake) friends with my roommate and have a conversation with her without her blowing me off completely or without her getting jealous or even making EVERYTHING about her. Even when I've tried telling her this, she just takes it as me being obnoxious towards her and doesn't really seem to care (or gets all emotional, but in a self-pitying way), and I hate that I feel kinda stuck. Really, is it too much to ask to just wanting to have my roommate be more than just a roommate (esp after we've been "friends" for 4 years)?

on Jan 25, 2006
wow, what a situation! I wish for you to find a new friend AND a new room-mate.
The one you have now is selfish and self-absorbed and you deserve better treatment than that. She can't be a good friend to you
because it's all about " her"...........

Good luck to you, I hope you find someone neat, cause you deserve the best!