Just trying to get the most out of life by figuring it out
The number one thing I have learned in my life is that if you depend on others at all, you will get disappointed. I don't know why people tend to act like if you ask them for a favor, no matter how minute, all of a sudden, the favor is like the biggest task in the world. Everyone does it! Even family, sadly. Anyways, that's why I place such an emphasis on being completely self-dependent...but every now and then, some things are just out of my control.

Yesterday, I got really peeved at someone for this very reason. My whole life, every time I've depended on someone for something, I've found nothing but disappointment, so when it happened again, even from friends you would think are worthy, I couldn't help but be extremely pissed off and upset, especially because it was really, really important. Well, I kinda calmed down about it after a while, but I was still in no mood to go out after that.

I don't like the fact that when someone really pisses me off or hurts me, I start pushing away everyone else in my life. I don't feel like talking to my roommate and I know she didn't do anything, but she also doesn't get it that sometimes, I just need my time to get over things. I told everyone that I was supposed to go out with, that I just didn't feel like it. I don't know how to balance the "it's okay to be pissed off side" without pushing away the other people who had nothing to do with why I'm angry/hurt in the first place. Half the time they can't tell there's something bothering me, and then it makes me feel like they just don't care. And oftentimes, I don't even want the person I'm mad at to know I'm mad cuz they'll just think it's for a stupid reason and besides, I hate drama and tension. That ends up making me push people away even more. Kind of a cycle here, isn't it...

on Oct 11, 2005
Hey little_whip,
I'm sorry... I never got to read your comment, so if I did delete it, it was either definitely on accident or a computer mishap. Whoops! Feel free to comment again. I'm curious to know what you said.