Does life just go round 'n round?
I know this is going to sound kinda crazy, but work with me for a moment. Have you ever wondered if our lives really are a lot like Groundhog Day and we just don't realize it? The difference is that they are not presented in quite exactly the same monotonous manner, but in a slightly more candid one.
I had a dream last night about R#2 (this'll all make sense in a moment). Very randomly. It's been at least a year since I've thought about him. So why now? Weird thing was in my dream I treated R#2 as if he were R#3. R#3 is the current one. Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself. I had feelings for R2 during my second year in college. I like R3 now, during my 2nd year in grad school. I fell pretty hard for both of them. Both were very sweet guys, kinda secretive & mysterious with a touch of badass to them that stirs up the butterflies in the stomach thing. Both treated me pretty well for the most part & actually to the point where I really felt they were mutually interested in me. R2 had cooked me dinner & spooned w/ me & called me to let me know he wouldn't be able to email me b/c his internet was broken for that day. R3 had gone out of his way to come see me & had stayed up for me to come back from star-gazing when it was really cold outside & everyone else had gone inside. R2 had a crush on the snobby, pretty girl with the green eyes. R3 is dating the snobby, pretty girl with the blond hair. Somehow, both told me the feelings weren't mutual blaming the false pretense of "good friendship." I know good friendship, but better than that I know how to read people's eyes. There was attraction there, clear as day. Apparently, there must have been something else thre too, that they were shying away from. Unfortunately, eyes only give you the obvious, not the explanation. If this hasn't made it obvious, both of their names started with R.
The creepy thing, it took me a while to realize, but the guy I cared most about in high school, was also during my 2nd year, his name also started w/ an R and he talked to me every single day for hours on end & would say really sweet things like "If you ever need to smile, just call me. I'll make you smile." Not to mention, it ended the same way. He said there was no mutualness there.
I need to break out of this mold. I don't get what is going on but it's starting to scare me. Am I really just replaying my life over and over? New face, same outcome? How do you break out of something like this...
Is this making any sense or is it all just coincidence?