Just trying to get the most out of life by figuring it out
Still? Are you kidding me?
Published on March 29, 2007 By So Many Questions In Personal Relationships
So there's this guy (as all stories start). At first, we really hit it off but problem: he had a gf. We kind of fooled around a bit & hung out a lot (something I'm not proud of, but just felt caught up in the moment, I know that's no excuse). Eventually, we ended things but still had a great attraction towards each other. He finally realized he was being an *** to his gf & has really been trying to make it up to her since. Things between us continued to be kind of awkward b/c he tried to make sure things were set between him and his gf. I couldn't help but still have strong feelings towards him, on which, for the most part, I didn't act. Eventually, he did something that pissed me off & I figured he was kind of a jerk & was FINALLY happy to be done with him.
...or so I thought...
Problem is...I don't know why! but even though I thought things between us were finally platonic...when we hang out, I wonder. I have never had chemistry w/ anyone like I seem to have w/ him & I don't know what to do. I know he is probably no good for me & that he is really trying to work things out with his gf, but I can't understand how it still feels so right? I really did think it was totally over and done with. I didn't find an intense attraction to him anymore when I simply saw him around and thought that was a good sign. In fact, I was incredibly surprised when we simply looked at each other and I noticed that there was still something there. I really have been working hard to let things go, and thought I was finally successful, so how is it still there? I feel clueless all of a sudden.

on Mar 29, 2007
Damn, LW...you nailed it...

on Mar 29, 2007
If he cheats on her, he'll cheat on you too.

kind of like the old saying anybody who'll steal FOR you will steal FROM you.

Get away while you can.
on Mar 29, 2007
Well put little-whip! Especially the last two lines. You're one of the first people who actually made me go hmm... about this situation lately.
However, problems include:
1) we have mostly mutual friends so I can't avoid seeing him altogether.
2) months have gone by (at least 3) since I have declared myself done with this ordeal and where I have separated myself from thinking or seeing him often. We no longer hang out just the two of us, and I barely talk to him when I see him. Thus, 3 months later, seeing him in a group of 4 people for an hour should not have been a mistake.
So, I don't know how else to get over this.

Shovelheat, thanks for the interesting quote!
on Mar 29, 2007
The continued interaction, idirectly, do continue to be a problem for you because you still have feelings for him, so avoiding him altogether, I agree with that!
on Mar 31, 2007
I learned the hard way on this one too. LW's right (as usual ). I thought it could be platonic too, even when the guy was married. But we literally couldn't be alone together our attraction was just too strong.

It took me way to long to figure this out and give up the relationship. In fact it didn't happen until I was married and realized that I didn't need/want to complicate things in that way. I've too much respect for myself and for my marriage. Two days before the wedding I told him I'd have no more contact - no visits, no phone calls, no e-mail, nada. He tried to convice me that e-mail would be OK, but I knew better. I completely disconnected and I'm glad I did.

Of course he blamed it on my husband, saying that he wouldn't 'let' me be around my friends. But it just wasn't the case. I know I made the right decision.