Just trying to get the most out of life by figuring it out
Here's the shortened scoop. I accept some of the blame, but it's not all my fault that all guys are idiots and girls have been conditioned to hope for the nonexistent "good ones" (Oh Disney movies, how you do us wrong).

Met a guy who was in a pretty long-term relationship (1.5 years), and was starting long-distance. Made it clear to me that he wasn't sure him and his gf were gonna last (after meeting him the first night). Spent a lot of time together and realized we had an obvious and intense mutual attraction for one another. Kinda ended up kissing and stuff on several occassions (partially motivated by a small factor I like to call alcohol) but even at other times, acted like we were somewhat "together." Then, one night a friend's sister (who happens to be really attractive and kind of a whore, otherwise and an attention whore and who had a bf (whore)) came into town and he ridiculously flirted with her in FRONT of me. Got angry, talked to him, decided we should just be friends (although I couldn't help but still really like him). Things were never quite the same after that and it was sad because we weren't nearly as good friends and still had quite an attraction to each other but tried to act like we didn't (so we were just awkward). He would still say things to me though when we went out to the bars (ex. told me I looked amazing after a formal we went to even though his gf was in town visiting him that weekend). He and his gf were clearly not happy, although I still couldn't figure out why they were still together (any insight on this guys?). Then a group of us drove down somewhere for a weekend and of course, he and I staying together ended up kinda hooking up. Following weekend (last weekend), the whore sister came down again and was ALL OVER HIM! and kissed him and the idiot didn't back off. Punk ass. Then he went to go visit his girlfriend the next day.

Obviously this kid does not know what he is doing (which he openly admits to) and says he needs to figure it out but doesn't seem to take any action to figure it out. For the last couple of days, I have just been avoiding him (cuz I'm freakin kinda hurt) and haven't been talking to him, which I think he notices, but I'm not sure. It sucks too, because I'm not sure he's gonna do anything about it if I just keep not talking to him and we have exams coming up and he and I study really well together. Also, I want to be able to have that friendship again. It sucks that I have to cut off most contact with him to get a point across, which might not even come across at all. Is that even gonna help? And as much as I think he's a complete ass right now and tell myself I'm completely done with this, there is still that little part of me that can't help but think that I know he's a good guy but just isn't thinking straight at all right now. I know it shouldn't matter because he has a gf, but geez...what is this kid's deal? And why are all boys idiots? Even the ones that you finally think are good ones!

on Oct 31, 2006
I'm not an idiot and I possess the good ol' Y chromosome. From my observations, women are just as bad as guys...even when they've been hurt by someone they come crawling back when in reality they should get the hell away from that guy. A lot of times, women don't accept the fact that it's over for quite some time and keep that little flicker of hope burning....even when it's clearly over. The problem with the dos equis chromosome types is that they let their emotions control them. Guys let their hormones control them. Two completely different things, but both parties have the potential of being "idiotic". Except for the lucky few like me, who know how not to screw up....unfortunately, I don't have too much luck with the ladies because one would classify me as a "good guy", but guess what? Girls do not respond to that. Take a look at that male friend who's always there for you, who picks you up when you're down, who makes you laugh and smile when you're having problems with another guy....he's the "good guy"....but you put him in the friend zone and he doesn't have a chance.

on Nov 01, 2006
Thanks for the response Zoo...You're completely right in parts of it. I do agree that girls let emotions control them and guys let hormones control them and that both are idiots. And you're right that girls come back to guys that don't deserve them but guys do too. You would think that the "good guy" friend is the one that is kinda nonexistent to girls, but you're actually wrong about that. I have always been kind of a "guy's best friend" kind of girl myself. But honestly, I think all it takes is a little subtle flirting. Your subconscious mind takes in so much that we do not realize. I learned this recently. Little gestures and body language is what gets someone from the opposite sex starting to notice you especially if you're a good guy and they know that. Well that and confidence. Corny, I know, but it's true. Though I'm still holding steadfastly true to my perception that there's no such thing as an attractive guy that is also truly a good guy. Even the good guys become not so good guys once they realize they can get this positive attention from the opposite sex, which is what I think happened in this guy's case.

As for me going back to this guy, I'm not. There's that part of me that wants to but I wouldn't just because I know better. However, I know the guy is a little naive and is overall a decent guy. That's why I think friendship should be in order here, but it's these damn emotions + hormones that come together and create drama so that even friendship becomes complicated. F.
on Nov 01, 2006
Though I'm still holding steadfastly true to my perception that there's no such thing as an attractive guy that is also truly a good guy

You're probably right...usually people that are attractive get all the attention they want so they don't have to develop a charming personality or good morals, it's a lot of work so why waste your time if you can have your pick from just about anyone you want?

I, being in the group that isn't going to win Mr. Universe anytime soon, have seen many things...and though I have little to no luck with girls...on account of not being a super hot guy, I know a lot about how relationships work...causes and effects, and how to get along, etc., etc. I could write a book.

on Nov 01, 2006
I completely disagree with what you are saying. First off, being attractive has very little to do with whether you're physically hot or not, and has 10 times as much to do with how you present yourself. You gotta be the first to think that you can be attractive. The guy that I was into looked weird when I met him and wasn't all that cute at all (he had kind of a weird hair cut and I at first thought he was a complete dork), but he was nonetheless super attractive later. Notice I had said attractive, not hot. Two completely different things. And I don't think just being good looking or attractive allows you to cop out on having a personality. There are at least a handful of guys about which I've said, wow, he's really cute, but he's just totally missing that personality thing. On the other hand, there have been tons of guys I didn't find attractive or remotely cute when I met them the first few times, but their personality and the way they presented themselves really showed through so that I couldn't believe I didn't see how attractive they were to begin with. It is way too easy to cop out by saying I'm not good-looking therefore people aren't attracted to me.
And Mister Universe, if you can write a book then start the book by telling me what to do with this kid. So I havent talked to him for the last few days, and I finally know he notices, but he hasn't made much of an effort to talk to me. He said one thing to me today that was in kind of joking and casual conversation but I kind of walked away...so what's really bothering me is I wanna know...does he really just not care or is he just being a guy and doesn't know how to handle the situation. I know he tends to avoid things as much as possible, but shouldn't he at least try talking to me a little more? Dammit...I'm supposed to not care at all so why do I give a shit...
on Nov 01, 2006
Reply #1
I'm not an idiot and I possess the good ol' Y chromosome.

You're a guy, of course you're an idiot.
on Nov 01, 2006
Ok, I have a wee little problem with what you've said. You say that this guy has a girlfriend, and that he told you this. You then say that you and he kissed and other things a few times. Then you turn around and call the friend's sister a whore because she's got a bf but kissed the guy you like.

Do I have the story straight thus far?

If I do, I think you're being hypocritical. He has a gf, and you knew it, but you still kissed him (and stuff). What do you think his gf would call you if she found out?

I'll bet she'd call you a whore.
on Nov 13, 2006
Trust me, I've thought about this. And I know it's not right. Ask me 3 months ago and I would have promised that I would never ever have anything with a guy with a girlfriend. Just as you probably would. But trust me, being in the situation, spending 24/7 with this person, realizing that he is really not that interested in this girl and knowing they are NOT gonna last, it's not as easy to suspend the whole matter by simply saying oh he has a girlfriend, nothing can happen...especially when he makes it crystal clear to you that he is way more into you than he is into his girlfriend. Honestly, it sounds obvious to say I'm being a hypocrite, but it's not as clear cut as you might think.
Thanks for the post though dharmagrl. It's always good to have someone speaking the blatant truth.
on Nov 13, 2006
realizing that he is really not that interested in this girl and knowing they are NOT gonna last,

If he's capable of doing this kind of thing once, what makes you think he won't do it again to you? Another girl, same frame of thought that you have...and then you'll be the one being hurt. It's always important to think ahead and examine all the possibilities.